If I were to have every single chance?

Yesterday, I made up a question uploaded on my ig story. It sounds, "If you are given every possible chance to do anything, what would be it?" As for now I haven't really checked the answers but the biggest tune is, that question was actually what wandered on my mind at the moment. 

"If I were given evvvveryy possible chance to do anything, what I really wanna do?"

Have you guys feel tired of staring way too often at your phone scrolling over all those social media? I believe in this era, none of us is ever an exception to being a social media freak. Addictive isn't it? (Especially when Instagram has get super addictive lately with more features coming out over and over again). So harsh to say 'freak' let me just say, it has been everybody's routine right that when you hold your phone, other than Whatsapp, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook must have been our number one choice to point to. I am no exception to that too.

Thing is, this social media thingy is a good sign of how the technology is so unlimited to the point that it connects people from all around the world, in a very interesting manner. It acts as a platform to inspire, to educate, to cultivate in such a way everyone is able to grab its bits and piece of benefits. Nevertheless, for some reason, I sometimes am feeling sick and tired of it. I am so sorry to say this (it really portrays me as a negative person already isn't it?) 

I am sick the moment I will compare my life with those iconic figure. Sick when I have to say, "you're so lucky been able to travel around the world and take nice photo". Sick when so many people praises one person. Sick when I am asking why am I not blessed with such life. Sick when I have to wait for people's attention. Sick on thinking of how come I did not have so many followers like one, I am less pretty, no? Sick when I have the sentiment of, as long as you are pretty, you do make up reviews, you travel, people will follow you.

I'm not trying to draw a negative canvas here. Yes, the above statements happened to me few times and I am not sure if it did happen to some of you too but all I want to say, I hate to have such thinking. It made me wanted more though I had enough. It made me felt less grateful for what I achieved so far. It made me live under people's expectation. It made me posted something to get likes and nice comments when what I supposed to do is to develop my skills, pursue my dream, work on my passion, work on my well-being.

"Maybe it's just you Fara, to feel that way"

"You are no different to those iconic figure Fara, people look up to you too. Are you talking to a mirror now?"

But, I just want a rest. I just want an escape to a world where I can build my own empty space and do whatever I want to do without having a mindset oh people gonna praise you for this, you're gonna get more followers after this etc etc. I am tired. I just want to satisfy myself, I just want to focus on my purpose. I just want to live for me to like me, and not for other people to like me.

This era guys, this era. Instagram era. Evvvverything need to be updated, those skincare routine, how to be pretty like one, how to this how to that. I do not deny the fact that it is helpful for some people (people like, those with severe acne etc in the case of skincare routine), it helps other people's business, it helps giving idea for someone to dress up. You see, it would be positive if we take it positively, but it will definitely get negative if we take it negatively. Very simple. I understand all this. I blame myself, yes for having such thinking when everyone else doesn't.

This somehow reminds me of how Shawn Mendes wrote in his hits 'In My Blood' where it is believed that the lyrics was a glimpse of his personal struggle. We see him as a hit star, he got all those followers, he got all those awards, he got to sit beside Taylor Swift, he got all girls screaming his name, but does that make him any happier?

So if I was asked, what would I want to do if given, every possible chance to do anything?

I wish I could turn back time where internet was scarce, where we were connected through letters, where we struggle to figure out ways to solve problems using our potential mind. How we would enjoy every single moment with our loved one during occasions that we don't have phone to hold on to when we feel boring. We will figure out on topics to talk about to break the silence. How I wish a lover's word is much more wiser when it is written and posted with efforts and hope that it would reach safely to the targeted place. How a letter can be really exciting to a girl waiting for his lover's responses. How I wish, the world is more alive with people of greater common sense and respect. How I wish, no shaming done publicly on social media. How I wish, to not think of how many likes for a photo will I get, how many followers I will get in two months time.

And I'm wishing myself good luck then.